Five miles to the middle of nowhere

I have to admit that 4-years ago I was a little upset...upset and angry...upset,angry and confused...I felt out of my safe place and I was not comfortable with it.....I didn't have the comforts that I had grown accustomed to and I didn't know which way to turn...I was used to going to where I knew I could find what I was looking for and also knew that I would leave that place feeling satisfied....fulfilled.


As time passed  I became more aggressive towards finding the perfect places to get away from it all...just to be quiet,take in the sights/sounds/scents/scenery and most importantly allow the dogs to run freely,off-leash....just being dogs.

I was used to travelling atleast 20-30 minutes in Denver to get to the big off-leash areas...these spots usually included some world class views of the Rocky Mountains.....the sky was open and unlimited in it's grandeur...the sun would set just a bit and the colors would bleed from the sharpest of red-orange to a seductive purplish-blue....."this could not be replaced or remade" I would often think to myself as I sat there with my four-legged children,daring fate to prove me wrong.


Well,yesterday,fours-years later,I found myself in the middle of nowhere...surrounded by everything that seemed to be a sort of prerequisite to be able to be considered a "perfect place"....the sights of dark green lush growth...the sounds of birds,rushing water and NO CARS......the scent of clean,refreshing,just-after-rain air.....the scenery of some mountainous area that you would send a postcard of to a friend just to rub it into their face!.....and it was perfect....

...and it was only five miles from our house....fate had once again proven me wrong.

Now,I have been here before...actually many times....I have seen this place swollen with people on a weekend day....I have also seen it on a rainy day when only the hardcore dog owners come out knowing that the crowds would be non-existent.

I have seen the waters rise above the trail line and have also experienced the severe effects of a long drought cracking the earth in the beds below...looking like a scene form some movie filmed in the Sahara.

But as I walked the dogs yesterday I just kept smiling and laughing to myself.....I just felt like I belonged here...I have done my time and I can now stake my piece of this beauty...I can now say that I'm home.

I'm glad that I no longer have to make long journeys for a simple walk...the walk can be a journey alone and the faster that I can get myself exploring the better off we all are...and I don't have to hear Tango whine as much.

The first image that I ever had of Austin was from a picture that Jen had....it was one of the 360 bridge crossing over lake austin...it was so simple yet it said so much of what this place has to offer...I would like to think of it as a simple elegance.

We have had the joy of being able to explore,swim,boat and jump off of tall objects without ever having to leave the city....what more could I ask for?.

I remember once having a conversation with my sister about the ideal place to live...I do have certain metroploitan needs...such as a live music venue that draws good music in,a movie theater that plays the new releases and good food...but mostly I wanted some place that had a great swimming hole and a rope swing...

..I now have that...

...and it's only five miles to the middle of nowhere.

Doing the shuffle.

I'm a crossfitter...I live crossfit...my diet may not always be on,but I could spend hours chatting about crossfit and everything that goes with it...the lifts,pain and girl WOD's....I guess that you could say that I AM CROSSFIT.

When I first discovered the lifestyle of crossfit I was blown away with the "cult" mindset of the followers....people would throw themselves at pain...they would jump until blood ran from their eyes and after a very quick break,would jump some more....they would allow themselves to become so uncomfortable with the suffering associated with the workout that this feeling would become addictive...like the addictive pain that a cutter feels...or people into sadomasochism...after a while,the torture just feels right and you find yourself looking for it....for example,I used to annoy Jen at the grocery store by doing single arm snatches with water jugs...I got some real funny looks from some real funny looking people.....

..it's just what I do.....but I needed my fix.

So now with my new found passion I found myself always searching for the newest workout..one that would surely kick me in the balls and then not even have the common decency to help me up after the pain passed...but once I stood back upit would kick me again.....now this was the kind of workout that I was looking for!

I threw myself into anything that involved crossfit...I would never shut up about it...I talked about it all of the time...I would often watch the glaze form over Jen's eyes as I tried to pull her into my world of desired agony...she could only look and act interested for so long....so,I would give her a minute or two to regain her interest and I would once again take her as prey.

Over the time between now and then I have aquired quite the home crossfit gym...I have a rower,over 300 lbs in rubber weights ( so I can drop them),various weights in kettlebells,squat stands,a standard bench and pull up bars in the backyard...I have everything to attain my pleasure with pain....my needle with syringe...my fix.

So,there-in-lies the problem...I have all of this equipment and more than ample desire to work myself into the ground...I want to hurt myself,,,but I want to do it effectively..

..does that make sense?..hurting myself effectively?...

well,yes actually,it does make sense....I don't want to be like a 16-year old boy having sex for the first time..I don't want to go too hard and fast right from the get go just to drop my load and burn out..( ummm,literally?)...I want to last...take my time and build up...gain strength..get more skillfull...have more speed for when I need it.....and then when the time counts,I will be able to pick up and power through to the big finish!!.......now,that's what I'm talking about!

So,how do I do this without getting overwhelmed by the responsibility of really confusing the muscles yet working them in a functional manner?...no bicep curls or tricep extensions.......I mean big,heavy compound movements or skill work...and how about speed?...you never know when you will have to outrun a pack of wild dogs or an alligator....or even an angry wife.

With the help of various crossfit "type" websites,you can find an assortment of painful plans to rock your body...but what about the strength/skill/speed elements? I still need to get strong before I get fit,right?

Well,I decided to do probably the most simple thing in the world and just write various skill/speed/strength things that I know that I need to do to help me acheive my goal of becoming the abercrombie and fitch model that I've always wanted to be...

I wrote 12-different exercises...some consisting of power lifts..others in the olympic range or practice.....and some just as simple as sprinting.

I now dedicate the first part  of any workout to taking the time, practicing patience and attempting to learn these movements....and have noticed immeasureable results in gain of strenth,stamina and the ability to push myself just that bit further......especially when it matters most....

..if you catch my drift.

The double-edged shirt.

We all have one...every single one of us..not one of us is innocent...we all have that single piece of clothing that somehow always seems to make it onto our bodies whenever we have an "outfit emergency"...you know the kind that I'm talking about...the kind of emergency that you SUDDENLY have nothing to wear in your closet that matches the new tie you bought...or the clutch that you want to sport...or the dressed down look that you are trying to acheive without looking too much like a gel-haired,popped collar frat boy-douche-bag.....nobody really likes those dudes,so keep away from that stupid look.

So,let's welcome the " doubled-edged" piece of clothing...the one piece of clothing that makes you look oh soooo good,but also can get you caught everytime...

caught??

caught for what??

well my silly,caught for being the biggest loser at the party...and I don't mean the fat kind of biggest loser,I mean a real gen-u-ine,hose bag,must-be-blind big loser.....I mean,really?? How many times can you wear the same thing,over and over,mixing it up with different combinations,thinking that no one will notice....C"MON!!....GET A LIFE DORK!

So let me tell you about my most recent run-in with the double-edged shirt....and actually,it's not recent...my history with this shirt...it goes waaaay back...there are actually two "versions" of this shirt. I will just touch quicky on the history of my shirts.

-2006 Bought my first version of the double-edged shirt...a button down sage green dress shirt..made by Perry Ellis...I bought it at Ross..I like to dress for less at Ross...I believe that I paid $21 for it at 70% off.

I got this shirt home and it was too small..it fit my torso fine,but the bottom of the cuffs reach only as far as the tops of my wrists..I still own this version for the "tight nights".

-2007 Version one makes its debut at a wedding that I was "security" for...I shit you not...I was invited to the wedding at this little ranch in the middle of Salado,Tx...my job was to control any riff-raff that might be steppin' out of line at the reception...in return for my duties,I recieved a fine room at the local La Quinta,free dinner and drinks for the entire evening...Jen and I used the room to get ready..we went to the wedding...ate...made fun of rednecks...met some new friends...fought off cougars and watched a portly bride eat buffet style bbq in her white gown...what a fucking sight man!!!

-2008 I buy version two of the double-edged sword..a button down sage green dress shirt..made by Geoffrey Beene..I bought it at Ross...I like to dress for less at Ross...I believe that I paid $18 for it at a 57% discount.

Version two made it's debut at Jen's company christmas party at the Hyatt...we went out and bought a pretty snazzy suit...I only bought it because it was like 50% off at Macy's.....I felt good in the shirt...and went well with the suit...I also enjoyed the shirt because it fit..and perfectly.

From this point on,the shirt became a stand-by for any occassion that might require a nice button up.It was surely a contender...not always winning the fight,but always going down with one.

-2009 Version two rears it's face to the fashion world once again...it steps out with a new look...flair....it lets loose once again at another wedding..this time sharing the stage with a tie and sweater vest....I thought it looked reallly good until I saw the pictures......

...I looked like a college football coach....all I needed was my clipboard and a whistle...then it woulda' been game on bitch!!!

-2009.....1 week later.......

...Okay.....so I go to the store with Jen to kind of look for something to wear at the next wedding that we are going to...I see a sweet vest and matching pants..I have the perfect tie and shoes for this combo...I even had a good white shirt to match it with.......everything is in place...I'm gonna kill it......

....rrriiigght.....

I put the outfit on and I looked like Blake....your friendly cheese-dick bartender at a wedding...you can just imagine this guy....about 5'7",hair all done up,my outfit on......as he leans to one side,points his fingers at you like pistols and asks "what can I getcha?"...he then repeats your order back to you and he winks...not seductively or homoish,but as in he is sooooo fucking cool,that he can wink at you....God,I....................nevermind.

So,guess what?? with all of this "Blake" nonsense running through my mind....I decide to do it...I just have to....I fall victim once again.......

...the Goddamned double edged button down drees shirt.......yes..the sage green one.....again.

Days have passed now and the effects of the alcohol have worn....it's all just a fading memory now...this one will surely go down in the books.

Today,I'm reading my e-mails and a friend decides to rub it in that I was pointed out for double edging it....I knew that it would finally catch up...I knew it the night of the most recent wedding...I was finally caught....I was fucked in the world of fashion.....I was now,truly,a has been.

So,take this tale of a fashion trend setters rise and fall from the battle a rockstar lifestyle....learn from my mistakes and don't let the same story of fate ruin you.

or just be comfortaable and go naked.

FUCK weddings

The only fun wedding is your own..and sometimes that isn't the case at all for certain couples. I feel blessed...we had a wonderful wedding..the day could not have turned into a better evening...everything felt RIGHT and nothing could've ruined that day. Our day came and went and we still enjoy looking back and laughing at how perfect everything was and that now we didn't have to worry anymore about planning for the big day anymore.

Well,everyone has decided to run off and get married lately and we have been to two weddings in the past two weeks.....two weeks of promises being made...the abundance of runny mascara and family that neither the Bride or Groom has seen since kindergarten but felt obligated to invite because of the "mishap" of running into them whilst at Target shopping for boxed wine.

No one is happy at a wedding...I mean really...how often do we need to be reminded of what a marriage is supposed to be? How perfect everything is going to be...how easy it will be if we just respect eachother and bow to our new spouses wishes,dreams and demands....if we just live in a fairy-fucking-tale world of constant love and understanding....yeah right...get a clue.

If we could just show up for the dinner and drinks after all of the sobbery,weddings would be so much cooler....everyone could just get right to the nitty-gritty of what a wedding is REALLY about...getting fed and getting your drink on,for free,along with some BAD dancing that you can get away with because everyone else is trashed and there's always a ton of trashed easy single people on the prowl.....now,that sounds like a good time to me.

A little of the ol' getting to know you.

I finally did it...I took the plunge..I decided with a bit of coaxing to start blogging...now I can relate to that dork on the radio who dies and is talking to his grandmother about all of the coffee shops that he can see from the skies above that he can use to update his blog at...I just like the word blog..I'm surprised that there was never a toy back in the 70's named the blog...or some sexual term/position..."man,I blogged the shit out of her last night" or " we were going at it and she decided to roll around and try the blog on me,but I wasn't having any of that shit!". I'm using this page for ANYTHING I want...just as the sub-heading states.."tales,stories and ramblings"...The term "playing dice with the cosmos" is actually from Einstein saying that he would NEVER play dice with the cosmos as that is Gods work....No,I'm not stating that I'm doing Gods work...I just figure that I see something that shouldn't be messed with or attempted so I mess with it or attempt it...Like heavy lifts,pulling engines,allowing beta fish to play together and adding a baby into the mix of a pack of dogs...besides,It's how I met my wife...attempting to talk to the hottest girl at work...now,I own her and she is my slave....funny how things work out for the jerks in the world. So,with that being said,I look forward to a long healthy relationship with like-minded individuals and those who want me banned from the internet.