The double-edged shirt.

We all have one...every single one of us..not one of us is innocent...we all have that single piece of clothing that somehow always seems to make it onto our bodies whenever we have an "outfit emergency"...you know the kind that I'm talking about...the kind of emergency that you SUDDENLY have nothing to wear in your closet that matches the new tie you bought...or the clutch that you want to sport...or the dressed down look that you are trying to acheive without looking too much like a gel-haired,popped collar frat boy-douche-bag.....nobody really likes those dudes,so keep away from that stupid look.

So,let's welcome the " doubled-edged" piece of clothing...the one piece of clothing that makes you look oh soooo good,but also can get you caught everytime...

caught??

caught for what??

well my silly,caught for being the biggest loser at the party...and I don't mean the fat kind of biggest loser,I mean a real gen-u-ine,hose bag,must-be-blind big loser.....I mean,really?? How many times can you wear the same thing,over and over,mixing it up with different combinations,thinking that no one will notice....C"MON!!....GET A LIFE DORK!

So let me tell you about my most recent run-in with the double-edged shirt....and actually,it's not recent...my history with this shirt...it goes waaaay back...there are actually two "versions" of this shirt. I will just touch quicky on the history of my shirts.

-2006 Bought my first version of the double-edged shirt...a button down sage green dress shirt..made by Perry Ellis...I bought it at Ross..I like to dress for less at Ross...I believe that I paid $21 for it at 70% off.

I got this shirt home and it was too small..it fit my torso fine,but the bottom of the cuffs reach only as far as the tops of my wrists..I still own this version for the "tight nights".

-2007 Version one makes its debut at a wedding that I was "security" for...I shit you not...I was invited to the wedding at this little ranch in the middle of Salado,Tx...my job was to control any riff-raff that might be steppin' out of line at the reception...in return for my duties,I recieved a fine room at the local La Quinta,free dinner and drinks for the entire evening...Jen and I used the room to get ready..we went to the wedding...ate...made fun of rednecks...met some new friends...fought off cougars and watched a portly bride eat buffet style bbq in her white gown...what a fucking sight man!!!

-2008 I buy version two of the double-edged sword..a button down sage green dress shirt..made by Geoffrey Beene..I bought it at Ross...I like to dress for less at Ross...I believe that I paid $18 for it at a 57% discount.

Version two made it's debut at Jen's company christmas party at the Hyatt...we went out and bought a pretty snazzy suit...I only bought it because it was like 50% off at Macy's.....I felt good in the shirt...and went well with the suit...I also enjoyed the shirt because it fit..and perfectly.

From this point on,the shirt became a stand-by for any occassion that might require a nice button up.It was surely a contender...not always winning the fight,but always going down with one.

-2009 Version two rears it's face to the fashion world once again...it steps out with a new look...flair....it lets loose once again at another wedding..this time sharing the stage with a tie and sweater vest....I thought it looked reallly good until I saw the pictures......

...I looked like a college football coach....all I needed was my clipboard and a whistle...then it woulda' been game on bitch!!!

-2009.....1 week later.......

...Okay.....so I go to the store with Jen to kind of look for something to wear at the next wedding that we are going to...I see a sweet vest and matching pants..I have the perfect tie and shoes for this combo...I even had a good white shirt to match it with.......everything is in place...I'm gonna kill it......

....rrriiigght.....

I put the outfit on and I looked like Blake....your friendly cheese-dick bartender at a wedding...you can just imagine this guy....about 5'7",hair all done up,my outfit on......as he leans to one side,points his fingers at you like pistols and asks "what can I getcha?"...he then repeats your order back to you and he winks...not seductively or homoish,but as in he is sooooo fucking cool,that he can wink at you....God,I....................nevermind.

So,guess what?? with all of this "Blake" nonsense running through my mind....I decide to do it...I just have to....I fall victim once again.......

...the Goddamned double edged button down drees shirt.......yes..the sage green one.....again.

Days have passed now and the effects of the alcohol have worn....it's all just a fading memory now...this one will surely go down in the books.

Today,I'm reading my e-mails and a friend decides to rub it in that I was pointed out for double edging it....I knew that it would finally catch up...I knew it the night of the most recent wedding...I was finally caught....I was fucked in the world of fashion.....I was now,truly,a has been.

So,take this tale of a fashion trend setters rise and fall from the battle a rockstar lifestyle....learn from my mistakes and don't let the same story of fate ruin you.

or just be comfortaable and go naked.